Suffering… when you are not in control and you know it!

How difficult it is to be a man and know that I am not in control. I want to fix so badly. In these days when Kat and I are really trying to learn about self-care and staying healthy for the baby, and struggling in our attempts, this lesson of control is so real. To be with my wife while she is in the throes of coughing or the agony of a clenched up back, and feeling as though there is nothing I can do, is emotionally and even physically disorienting.

It is such an effort for me to call on that place of love and acceptance, of calm, patience, and breath. Presence remains… personal, loving, healing. And my prayers go there, and go there, and go there, and go there. Breathe, breathe, breathe… remember. And then of course, I call the “village” mothers and my own mother… HELP!

These words I recently read from Richard Rohr (The Naked Now) have been so encouraging… It is what it is. I have said it myself many times.

When you are inside great love and great suffering, you have a much stronger possibility of surrendering your ego controls and opening up to the whole field of life.

[In suffering], things happen against your will… you are not in control – which is what makes it suffering. And over time, you can learn to give up your defended state, again because you have no choice. The situation is what it is… The suffering might feel wrong, terminal, absurd, unjust, impossible, physically painful, or just outside of your comfort zone. So you see why we must have a proper attitude towards suffering, because many things every day leave us out of control – even if just a long stoplight. Remember, always, however, that if you do not transform your pain, you will surely transmit it to those around you and even to the next generation.

Suffering can lead you in either of two directions: It can make you very bitter and close you down, or it can make you wise, compassionate, and utterly open, either because your heart has been softened, or perhaps because suffering makes you feel like you have nothing more to lose.

2 thoughts on “Suffering… when you are not in control and you know it!

  1. I can relate to your blog. Just know that you have family everywhere you go that care and willing to give a hand with no questions asked.


  2. You are probably wondering, who am I? My father came from Colorado down to Arkansas in search of work back in the 70’s. With my father passing away at 62 years old, I can’t tell much of my fathers side of the family. I am looking for nothing more than just peace of mind of my family’s origin and get a little background of my fathers side of the family. My fathers name was Victor Sam Bettger and my grandpa’s name was John William Bettger. If you have any answers that can help me, Please respond back. I would just like to hear from my fathers side of the family.

    Thank you
    Mike Bettger


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s