Tag Archives: writing

Did I really write that?

It makes sense to me, I suppose. The first half of life is about self. The second half, giveaway. But, I wonder where those words came from, back in 2006, 2007… at the beginning of the shadowland. It was the beginning of the wilderness, the beginning of the darkness. I had just come out of seminary, three vigorous years of work that went far faster than I ever could have imagined. I was trying to figure out what spirit wanted for my life… never thought I would be here, doing this. I had space, time, mystery. A good cocktail for a mystic.

Yesterday, I was going through my documents on the computer, organizing arranging slimming down and I found writings that have left me puzzled and thrown for a loop really. Have I gotten dumber since then? Probably not, as I never would have imagined I would be giving and doing what I am now.

So I want to post a few things back in the day. A short one for this morning… more for later.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Anne Lamott writes in her book, Traveling Mercies, about a man in her church who was dying of aids and is taken up during a hymn by an elderly black lady. They hold each other and cry together… a moment of beautiful reconciliation. She concludes:

I can’t imagine anything but music that could have brought about this alchemy. Maybe it’s because music is about as physical as it gets: your essential rhythm is your heartbeat; your essential sound, the breath. We’re walking temples of noise, and when you add tender hearts to this mix, it somehow lets us meet in places we couldn’t get to any other way.

This music, this living, is what we begin to experience as we pay attention to the world around us. It is what makes us created beings, not “gods” who control our own existence. See how the birds sing, listen to how the wind whispers. It is us. We are a part of this. We always have been, from the moment that God put us here to be with his other creation. That’s really what it comes down to I think. Being with…

I am with the birds, I am with the wind, I am with the grass and the trees and the sun. I am with you, and you are with me. And in and through it all, God himself is with… His with-ness, though, is deeper and more profound. His with-ness is what gives life its existence. He is what makes things real.

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Renewed dedication to… something…

It seems like daily I am trying to refocus, reorient myself, and rededicate my time to doing something worthwhile and meaningful. I should probably add that this happens daily because by the end of the day, I have begun to lose it. So, I am trying a new strategy… refocusing the night before… and then moving it earlier and earlier so that I focused all the time. Yah right.

I just realized, after stumbling across the Greg Boyd’s brilliant blog,  that I really could do a better job applying myself to my writing. Now, I will never claim to be as talented, or as humorous, as my one time professor and much later time hero, Greg, but copying and pasting other blog entries is simply a way to fill space. I just so turns out that I have a LOT of time… not because I want it, per se, but  more or less because there just isn’t anything else going for me right now. With a quiet and empty house, no dog, no girlfriend, friends in school or busy, and the birds going to bed earlier and earlier (not that big of an issue ;)), I just can’t find enough to do. I know it won’t always be this way.

I also came to realize to day that my conversation ability is strangely lacking, in the sense that when it comes down to getting my point across, I am really not very good at it. More confusing than anything else… so in that sense people are perhaps better off before I started talking than after. Most people tend to get a glazed look in their eyes before I get half-way through what I want to say. To further, jab the knife in, one of the guys in our Sunday night group kept dozing off… only when I was saying something. Alas, perhaps God has made me a better listener than talker. That’s not all bad. Point, Nate, point… basically, I imagine that writing and getting this out in a line may help in putting thoughts together into coherent sentences. Hopefully…

So here’s to rededications.  Onward!