Here are a few things I have found that kill trust:

• Any thinking (even if it is never said) that we know better how someone might think or act.
• Any comments or thoughts of “should” or “shouldn’t”, more or less “appropriate,” “right way” or “wrong way” to do something, etc.
• Fixing
• Judging
• Correcting
• Interruptions
• Text messaging or taking a call while the other is talking
• Turning the conversation to a focus on me rather than the other. This is very easy to do with stories.
• Comparing pain, busyness, challenging times, etc. stories. We are not in community to “one up” each other with who has the harder life.
• “Leading” questions. Is it about our agenda or theirs? Who needs who here?
• Needing the other person to be a certain way
• Not saying out loud what your body is telling them loud and clear
• Trying to cover up what is really going on inside us.