Here are a few things I have found that kill trust:
- Any thinking (even if it is never said) that we know better how someone might think or act.
- Any comments or thoughts of “should” or “shouldn’t”, more or less “appropriate,” “right way” or “wrong way” to do something, etc.
- Text messaging or taking a call while the other is talking
- Turning the conversation to a focus on me rather than the other. This is very easy to do with stories.
- Comparing pain, busyness, challenging times, etc. stories. We are not in community to “one up” each other with who has the harder life.
- “Leading” questions. Is it about our agenda or theirs? Who needs who here?
- Needing the other person to be a certain way
- Not saying out loud what your body is telling them loud and clear
- Trying to cover up what is really going on inside us.