Through tears and much listening, our Sunday night community dug deep into the meaning of the resurrection. The moments were so rich with the presence of the Spirit. Silence that was “heavy.” Conversation that kept going and going. I am blessed to be leading (in whatever fashion I can) this group of emerging followers of Jesus. We are growing together, learning together, becoming together.
So about the resurrection… I think this year, more than ever, I was really nailed with the idea that I follow a God who goes to the death in loving example for us only to come out alive again a few days later. I mean the historical, biblical, and intellectual aspects to this make so much sense this year. But even more so, I have experienced God to be a God who offers more. After the pain, there is rest. After the darkness, there is light. After the smog, there is fresh air. After the death, there is life. I need this… If not for resurrection for “more” after “this,” I really don’t think people would be following Jesus at all.
Its all too often that I find myself in the midst of endless cycles of up and down. One day I am fully present, breathing deeply, loving of self and others… the next day I am completely out of it, undisciplined, inattentive, lonely, and depressed. I tell myself all day long, “Nate, you couldn’t do better than to sit and pray right now. Soak in the silence. Let yourself be loved. Listen…” That goes all day long and by the end of the day, I have drowned it all out with noise… music, movies, negativity. I put it off and put it off.
It is these times that I see the morning as my resurrection. A chance to start over. A chance for more life. And yet, as we repeat the process, day in and day out… i realize, I can’t do this myself. I need a God who offers more. It’s happening now. It’s offered to me know. I suppose the acceptance… the breathing in… the living of this gift is now up to me.