Tag Archives: Questions

Where am I safe?

Posted on August 4, 2008 | Leave a comment

Longing, looking for that safe place
That Space where I don’t have to hide,
Where I can face Others
with honesty and presence

Real

Growing up… starting on this journey
Hoping to find it in the family
Inherent in the blood that runs between us
The first confusing messages

Doing the best we could…
But wounds and patterns of thinking run deep

I look to those of like mind
Ones who are supposed to be following Jesus…
or so they say. Safe? Real?
Aware of the pain that I so often Feel?

Thanks for the guilt and the easy answers
The judgment and the stones

Times I’ve been tempted to find it in the government
Those talking heads on the tube
Telling me everything is going to be better
That they can keep me safe within these walls.

The enemy is out there somewhere
As long as we have freedom… there is nothing to fear

If anything, my own home should be a refuge
From what’s happening out there.
Hole up, hide, duck back, close the shades.
They can’t get me here…

But I forget about myself.
Alone, I have to face myself… often far from safe.
Questions doubt fear uncertainty guilt unknown confusion
Get away…

To where?

And God, aren’t you supposed to be safe
Predictable and easy to please?
Aren’t good things supposed to come to those who wait?
Or to those who love you?

Apparently, you are not safe all the time either…

What now, then? Where is the safety? Why so elusive?

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Posted in poems.prayers, Questions

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The time between times

Posted on June 9, 2008 | 7 Comments

…It was the fullness of time that the ancient Celts grabbed on to when they talked about the “time between times.” I suppose in my own life, these are the most profound moments. The time between times was always at dawn and at dusk. They believed it was at these times that the veil between the spiritual world and the physical world (the Otherworld and ours) was at its thinnest. There was a deep mystery during these times… one that you could almost reach out and grab… that you could breathe.

Maybe you’ve experienced it yourself… it probably depends on whether you are a morning or a night person… for me it has been in the mornings. I used to go for walks in the morning when I was at college in MN. It was especially on the wet days… fog… drizzle… sometimes with the snow… a hush in the trees. The animals waking up. A rustle over there. A bird, unseen, up in the trees. Haunting almost. But very deep and old. It was during these moments that time seemed to stand still… and I moved through it. There are so many questions that this brings up for me.

What is it about these times… the waking up and the going down. The stirring and the settling in. The rising and the falling. Movement moments. How is it that that the Spirit of God seems so alive in these times? What does it tell me about my own life and when the most valuable moments are? What am I doing during these incredibly rich times? Am I tuning in or am I tuning out?

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Posted in personal stuff, Questions

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Journeying together

Posted on May 21, 2008 | 8 Comments

After our conversation this last Sunday night at our gathering, I have been thinking long and hard about the dynamics of our space and where we are with each other. We are building a foundation… after all it has been about nine months of meeting and growing together. We have moved around… done a lot of talking… done a lot of thinking… seen people come and go. There are now those of us who are asking for more. The time is coming for us to begin asking the questions of how we teach each other, how we refine things.

This refining is what I have been looking forward to. The things that we hold so valuable like making community decisions, serving each other, being invitation, really listening and paying attention to the needs of the community. We are finally beginning to figure out how we might do that.

This is a lot more challenging. To lead in a way that is not just calling the shots, but to encourage, wonder together, ask the right questions, provide places for people to grow… this is where I find myself now. We have been talking about “Why we do what we Do?“, wondering together about the significance of eating together, holding sacred space, and valuing silence in a group that spends a lot of time talking. As I think ahead to this weeks’ conversation, “Journeying together… meeting each other wherever we are,” I am trying to find the right question.

How do we talk in a way that doesn’t alienate the person who can’t stand the idea of church? How do we empathize with the one who has pain towards religion, yet not alienate the one who is ok with organized religion? How do we say what we think, yet with the sensitivity of how the other will hear it? How can we make sure that if someone enters into our midst with some very deep needs and questions, we don’t miss it?

I’m not sure if the rest of the group will find value in these questions… whether Jesus offers insight into this wondering… or whether we can really learn anything from each other on this one. Insight is welcome.

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Posted in Community, emerging church, Questions

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Becoming community… journeying in hospitality and belonging

Posted on March 26, 2008 | Leave a comment

As our Sunday evening gathering begins its focus on community, my thoughts stray towards this essential component to our life as human beings and followers of Jesus. For the next few weeks, my posts will be centered primarily on some of the things that are circulating in my own head around this journey towards hospitality and belonging.

Never do I claim to have all the answers, or any final answers, for that matter… but I hope that my wonderings, questions, and reflections may in fact raise some thoughts in those reading here. Over the next few weeks, we will be wrestling with questions like:

  • Why community? Why do we need it?
  • What makes for good community? How might we be to each other?
  • How do we build community? What does it mean to offer hospitality to those outside our walls?
  • What is the enduring|greater|broader effect of smaller communities? What difference can our community make?

It is my hope to hold space for the questions… open for others to discover… Here, I will ask some questions… reflect on some of the things I am reading regarding community… provide fertilizer for the mind|heart|spirit.

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Posted in Community, Out and About in Bend, Questions

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To emerge or not to emerge…

Posted on March 12, 2008 | Leave a comment

It’s time to come out of the hole. Start writing again, Nate. You have things to say.

Probably the thing that keeps me silent to a great degree these days is the overwhelming amount of thought that goes into trying to decide how “Nate” fits into the world… as Nate. To be myself, to be the man that I have been made to be… that is where I want to live from. But this just so happens to be very non-status quo… not easy to maintain with the pressure from an outside world wanting to mold me into another robot for success and achievement.

We are all supposed to be this way, that is, living out of our very center. I am amazed that it seems so easy for many. Life, for many, seems so cut and dry, so happy-go-lucky. I am amazed… and slightly jealous. It can’t be so simple for me. So I slow down. I have less to say.

Talk to me about life. Talk to me about soul, about depth. Talk to me about understanding and feeling. Politics, money, stuff, success, religion, formulas, or hypotheses… I’m not sure that I have much to say about that. And I’m not sure how to move forward in that regard, either. I’m not sure how to emerge.

There is a book coming out called, Why We’re Not Emergent: By Two Guys Who Should Be. I haven’t read it, and probably won’t… and after reading a few reviews, I realize I probably don’t agree with most of what they say. But it is a brave title, and it leaves me thinking about my own choices. Another book I am pretty excited about… and one with a title I like even more, is Doug Pagitt‘s new book: A Christianity Worth Believing: Hope-filled, Open-armed, Alive-and-well Faith for the Left Out, Left Behind, and Let Down in us All. This is one I think I’ll definitely be picking up.

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Posted in personal stuff, Questions

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