Tag Archives: God

Did I really write that?

Posted on February 5, 2012 | Leave a comment

It makes sense to me, I suppose. The first half of life is about self. The second half, giveaway. But, I wonder where those words came from, back in 2006, 2007… at the beginning of the shadowland. It was the beginning of the wilderness, the beginning of the darkness. I had just come out of seminary, three vigorous years of work that went far faster than I ever could have imagined. I was trying to figure out what spirit wanted for my life… never thought I would be here, doing this. I had space, time, mystery. A good cocktail for a mystic.

Yesterday, I was going through my documents on the computer, organizing arranging slimming down and I found writings that have left me puzzled and thrown for a loop really. Have I gotten dumber since then? Probably not, as I never would have imagined I would be giving and doing what I am now.

So I want to post a few things back in the day. A short one for this morning… more for later.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Anne Lamott writes in her book, Traveling Mercies, about a man in her church who was dying of aids and is taken up during a hymn by an elderly black lady. They hold each other and cry together… a moment of beautiful reconciliation. She concludes:

I can’t imagine anything but music that could have brought about this alchemy. Maybe it’s because music is about as physical as it gets: your essential rhythm is your heartbeat; your essential sound, the breath. We’re walking temples of noise, and when you add tender hearts to this mix, it somehow lets us meet in places we couldn’t get to any other way.

This music, this living, is what we begin to experience as we pay attention to the world around us. It is what makes us created beings, not “gods” who control our own existence. See how the birds sing, listen to how the wind whispers. It is us. We are a part of this. We always have been, from the moment that God put us here to be with his other creation. That’s really what it comes down to I think. Being with…

I am with the birds, I am with the wind, I am with the grass and the trees and the sun. I am with you, and you are with me. And in and through it all, God himself is with… His with-ness, though, is deeper and more profound. His with-ness is what gives life its existence. He is what makes things real.

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Posted in personal stuff, spirituality

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Shame and the liberated self

Posted on September 15, 2011 | 2 Comments

I just read an article by James Bowler, S.J., entitled Shame: A Primary Root of Resistance to Movement in Direction. There were a few things that I really appreciated, one being his description of laying on layers of internal messages to cover up the heart of the shame. So often, this is the case that we have multiple tapes that get played in our heads, most often negative ones, that keep us in bondage from our liberated, free, and fresh self. As I looked at our little baby this morning, I see his eyes, which though only 6 weeks old, look timeless and eternal. He is so free from all these layers. Just watching. And I think about my eyes, and my ears, and what I have witnessed. Not to mention what gets played in my head about all of those experiences as well. This is where shame starts playing out.

The other thing that was very helpful was his mention of the Enneagram. This has been such a major tool in my own movement into moving past, or at least being aware of, my own coping strategies. As a 9, my tendency is to numb out in avoidance of all stress or anxiety. And there really are endless ways that I do this… mostly leading me to a place of nearly always being unable to focus on the moment at hand. In this, I find my own shame. So many of us have these coping strategies, that get us away from the stress or the dis-harmony that comes from our shame.
Bowler also makes a distinction between guilt, unhealthy shame, and healthy shame, which he calls “discretionary” shame. In my own reflection and in my listening with others, I don’t know that I would spend much time on guilt, as it is an indicator and nothing more. Guilt is like the feeling I get from burning myself or stubbing my toe. I might do this over and over again, which is bound to happen, but it is what I tell myself as a result that leads to unhealthy shame. Pain does not have to be a constant feeling, just as guilt does not have to be a constant feeling. Accept it and move on, learning from the situation.
Negative shame is when I beat myself up for, or continue to dwell on and recall, the moments of guilt. Discretionary shame, as Bowler writes about it, is an existential awareness and recognition of our place before God and our commonality with other humans. It is like a state of humility, a remembrance that we are “not yet.” But it is far from beating ourselves up and it is far from guilt. I would probably not call it shame, however the idea is the same. We do need a deep awareness and humility that we are not yet… we are still becoming. This give us compassion for each other and a deep longing for union with the God that invites us into himself.

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Posted in spirituality

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My heart and calling to spiritual direction

Posted on September 13, 2011 | 2 Comments

Spiritual direction has a bit of a negative connotation in our independent and “don’t-step-on-my-toes-or-tell-me-what-to-do” culture. It has, however, been an accepted and necessary component to the spiritual journey within every historical faith and spiritual tradition for thousands of years. How is it that now, we think we do not need it?

From the moment I head-first dove into my spiritual pursuit of connection with God, I have felt a deep, deep calling to support my community on their own spiritual journeys. For me, this looks very much like spiritual direction. As I am finally engaged in my formal education of this very important offering, I welcome insight, but also those who would engage me in this process. You can go to the page on Spiritual Companioning for more information on what I am offering.  I very much encourage you to read what I have written there.

At the heart of my passion is the need for those who will ask us the right questions. MaryKate Morse writes in Presence journal:

[Spiritual direction] is an art because listening to a person speak while also seeking the guidance of the Holy Spirit requires a creative attentiveness to the process. Spiritual directors impose no expectations on time with our spiritual directees beyond believing that God is present and loves. The questions themselves are spiritual because we are not doing therapy or disciplining individuals toward a church’s or faith’s particular understanding of the spiritual life. We are not trying to teach doctrine or resolve a crisis. We ask questions to discover where God is moving in someone’s life.

This art of asking the right questions is one I have been interested in and focusing on for many years now. There is a need for focusing on it and at the same time, letting go. I will reflect more on this in the next post.

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Posted in personal stuff, spirituality

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According to an old European mystery tradition that goes back to Plato, all created things share in the divine life of the Creator. In fact it was the Creator’s desire to share and expand that divene life that resulted in … Continue reading →

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Posted on April 19, 2011

Suffering… when you are not in control and you know it!

Posted on April 13, 2011 | 2 Comments

How difficult it is to be a man and know that I am not in control. I want to fix so badly. In these days when Kat and I are really trying to learn about self-care and staying healthy for the baby, and struggling in our attempts, this lesson of control is so real. To be with my wife while she is in the throes of coughing or the agony of a clenched up back, and feeling as though there is nothing I can do, is emotionally and even physically disorienting.

It is such an effort for me to call on that place of love and acceptance, of calm, patience, and breath. Presence remains… personal, loving, healing. And my prayers go there, and go there, and go there, and go there. Breathe, breathe, breathe… remember. And then of course, I call the “village” mothers and my own mother… HELP!

These words I recently read from Richard Rohr (The Naked Now) have been so encouraging… It is what it is. I have said it myself many times.

When you are inside great love and great suffering, you have a much stronger possibility of surrendering your ego controls and opening up to the whole field of life.

[In suffering], things happen against your will… you are not in control – which is what makes it suffering. And over time, you can learn to give up your defended state, again because you have no choice. The situation is what it is… The suffering might feel wrong, terminal, absurd, unjust, impossible, physically painful, or just outside of your comfort zone. So you see why we must have a proper attitude towards suffering, because many things every day leave us out of control – even if just a long stoplight. Remember, always, however, that if you do not transform your pain, you will surely transmit it to those around you and even to the next generation.

Suffering can lead you in either of two directions: It can make you very bitter and close you down, or it can make you wise, compassionate, and utterly open, either because your heart has been softened, or perhaps because suffering makes you feel like you have nothing more to lose.

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Posted in Community, personal stuff, Quotes

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