Tag Archives: family

Supported by the universe… Immensely!

It’s funny. I had this post in mind, that was entirely focused on little Brendan’s peaceful slumber in my arms. Of course, at my intended time of writing, what did the little guy decide to express to me but quite the opposite. After some holding and talking, he once again set the example for me as to what peace looks like.

Yesterday, the two of us got to sit in on Kat’s lunch time yoga class. It being her first regular class back, she wanted to have a little experiment to see how he would do in an hour long yoga class. So Brendan and I sat in the back and we danced. He spent some time on his belly, on his back, on his feet, flying in the air, swinging, and being held. He didn’t cry once. He did, however, smile and laugh and giggle and groove. After a while, he began rubbing his eyes so I held him till he fell asleep. Deeply. There he was, resting in my arms in as deep a sleep as a baby can be. Arms hanging. Legs limp. Head and neck relaxed.

It was then I was reminded what it means to be supported by the universe. Our natural state of being. At peace. At-one-ness. Not a care in the world because we are being held by the great being of infinite love. There is nothing more beautiful.

Our lives get so complicated with apparent dilemma after dilemma. We get rushed and hurried and hustled and harried. Our breath, our most basic body instincts, is completely forgotten and ignored. Our bodies hold on to every up and down we feel. We get sick, tired, and worried. This is not the human condition. This is not what God wants for us. I take my reminders from my child and the spirit speaks through him.

As he slept, I kissed his feet. My guru.

 

Suffering… when you are not in control and you know it!

How difficult it is to be a man and know that I am not in control. I want to fix so badly. In these days when Kat and I are really trying to learn about self-care and staying healthy for the baby, and struggling in our attempts, this lesson of control is so real. To be with my wife while she is in the throes of coughing or the agony of a clenched up back, and feeling as though there is nothing I can do, is emotionally and even physically disorienting.

It is such an effort for me to call on that place of love and acceptance, of calm, patience, and breath. Presence remains… personal, loving, healing. And my prayers go there, and go there, and go there, and go there. Breathe, breathe, breathe… remember. And then of course, I call the “village” mothers and my own mother… HELP!

These words I recently read from Richard Rohr (The Naked Now) have been so encouraging… It is what it is. I have said it myself many times.

When you are inside great love and great suffering, you have a much stronger possibility of surrendering your ego controls and opening up to the whole field of life.

[In suffering], things happen against your will… you are not in control – which is what makes it suffering. And over time, you can learn to give up your defended state, again because you have no choice. The situation is what it is… The suffering might feel wrong, terminal, absurd, unjust, impossible, physically painful, or just outside of your comfort zone. So you see why we must have a proper attitude towards suffering, because many things every day leave us out of control – even if just a long stoplight. Remember, always, however, that if you do not transform your pain, you will surely transmit it to those around you and even to the next generation.

Suffering can lead you in either of two directions: It can make you very bitter and close you down, or it can make you wise, compassionate, and utterly open, either because your heart has been softened, or perhaps because suffering makes you feel like you have nothing more to lose.

Being Dad for the Doggy

Kat and I have been talking about having kids for at least six months now, and while we are not there yet, our dog Coco is the closest we have to a little one. We have so much compassion for this more-than-human member of our family and being gone from her for a week and a half was pretty tough.

Yesterday evening, I came home looking forward to seeing my doggy and found four intestinal explosions (pick your end of choice) around the house. She is definitely sick. So we fed her and comforted her and later went to bed.

The night was a regular three hour wake-up as Coco needed to go outside to let something out one end or the other. Dinner didn’t stay down. Midnight, 3:00, 6:00. I remember that my dad was always the one to get up in the night. There must be some similarity there. It makes me so sad to see her weak and sickly. She curled up on my sweatshirt this morning. Continue reading

Settlers online: No longer restricted by being alone

Okay, so this is nerdy…

Last week, as I was talking to my brother Greg in MN, he mentioned that our brother Tim, who is in WI, has been playing Settlers online. “No WAY!!” I thought. “This is crazy. We gotta get a game going.” Well, we ended up connecting up with Tim, got on Skype conference call, and got a game going!

Now, I should give some context. My siblings and I(I’m the oldest), four in five years, are close. We all lived in Minneapolis / St Paul area together and hung out almost weekly. We were all in school together, Brittany and I at Bethel. Greg and Tim at University of MN. Well, through life’s crazy events, Tim went to Germany and then came back to WI. Britt’s working full time. I’m out in Bend, OR. Greg and his wife moved a little further away from the cities. We got fragmented. That’s really hard being in this new place and having the family so far away.

Settlers of Catan comes into the picture with my brothers and I. We are pretty addicted… and when it comes to Bettger intensity, there is just nothing that brings it out like a good game of Settlers. Table talk, manipulation, ganging up, laughs, inside jokes and terminology. I usually lose, Greg usually wins. Well, when I found out that we could now play even though we are are so far apart, I am hooked.  Not too mention that I can now practice without having to get the board out. It’s amazing! I suppose I’m okay with this kind of nerdy.

We have a game going tonight. And yah, I’ll probably waste ‘em.