You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

I’ve spent my whole life listening to people giving me the answers. Parents, education… college… grad school, books, television, friends, government, the news, church, Google… the list goes on and on. Answers, answers, answers. Everyone is right and everyone else is wrong. Hmmm… It’s easy. Slick. Comfortable. Quantifiable… to have the answers. We can put everything (God, people, ourselves) in a box and move on. It’s easier for us to have fun, relax, and worry about nothing but our own worlds when we can explain everything away. Ahhh… peace at last.

The only problem, though, is the thought that I am right and everyone else who disagrees must therefore be wrong. We are, from this point on, isolated into communities who think only the same as I do. There is no unity… only a cordial (or not-so-cordial) “agreeing to disagree.” Well, I have quickly tired of this way of being… this divider of community. My sincere hope is to bring people together to truly be in community even while we think differently about things… even while we can honestly say “I don’t know.” To do this, I will hereby be a Protector of the QUESTION.

To protect the questions, we must know that it is here, in the questions, that we can truly and always unite. No matter where our stories have taken us, it is the questions that are universal.

“What does it mean to belong?” “Who is in control and why does it matter? How much control do I have?” “Why am I here? What am I supposed to do with my life?” “What is the lonely for?” “How much stuff is enough?” “What does it mean to be a man.woman.mother.father.son.daughter?”

These questions, and so many more, are the questions that bring us together. When we begin to “love the questions themselves,” we are able to learn from each other, not fix or correct each other. It is then that life guides us into the answers… something that will not happen if we cannot begin to love the questions. This is why I will continue to protect them for you… and ask you to join me. We need more protectors of the question… then we will be able to live into the answers together.

The blog has gotten a little make-over… updated and focused. The main change has to do with the addition of my four main areas of focus for my part in bridgeWorks and my own personal practice of connecting men and women into communities where they can explore their souls and their connection with God. I know that when I am addressing these four areas, I am on the right path and focusing correctly on things that are worthwhile for building sustainability.

With that, here are the four community rhythms I focus on, shared practices… ongoing and open to all. Conscious Cooperation of Collective Imagination REQUIRED.

• Prayer and Study
  
• Service and Vocation
  
• Conversation and Hospitality
  
• Third places
  

Check out the separate pages for each…. hopefully they’ll be updated regularly.

Dear community of Bend,
In an effort to begin uniting communities within Bend in ways that support sustainability and partnering in life.village practice, I am attempting to begin two community “services.”

One will be a tool.appliance library which will be focused on giving good use to the tools and appliances that we own and sharing them with each other. This way those who are not able to afford certain items, or are simply in need of a one-time use item can contact you and borrow your available item.

If you are interested in this please send me the following information:

• Name and phone number and email
  
• Items you are willing to enter into the “library” (vacuum, washing and drying machines, lawn mower, coffee pot, garden hose, etc… the list can be as wide of variety as you are willing to offer)
  

The second “service” is a ability.service library. The focus here will be on individuals or families offering what they like to do as something they are willing to “trade” or offer to the community. As we develop a substantial number of people interested, people will be able to trade one service or action for another. We will create a database of services that are offered by the community that people can access if they have a need.

If this is something that you are interested in please send me the following:

• Name and phone number and email
  
• Services or activities that you are willing to offer (cooking bread or meals, making kombucha, beer brewing, cleaning, physical labor, yard work, car work, bike work, babysitting, massage, making clothing, etc… this list can be as wide of variety as you are able to creatively imagine)
  

Mandala Yoga community (myc) and myself (through bridgeWorks, the non-profit i work for) will be the hub.connecting pieces to make the exchanges happen or send people in the right direction. If the list gets big enough, I will send out the information to all the leaders of the various communities so that each of us has a list of who is offering what.

My hope with this “service” is to give people the opportunity to connect with each other in relational ways and not feel the need to pay money for things they need. Also, my hope is that we might use what we have rather than feel the need to go out and buy something that we will only use a couple of times. It will be up to those involved in the interaction to settle on a trade that will be of value.

Please let me know as soon as you can as to what you are willing to offer.

Hope for sustainable community and closer connections,

Nate

There’s something about building community and organizations that gets very challenging for us radical and imaginative visionaries… that being tendency to dream more than grow. We plant and plant and plant… a seed here, a row there. Then we get thinking about what seeds we might plant next. Sometimes we plant them and sometimes we don’t. Then we get thinking about the amazing tree that we might grow in our garden. We look up at the clouds imagining how wonderful it will be to see the sky through thick green branches. While we are looking up at the sky we forget about the things we have planted already… we might even step on a few of our new, potentially beautiful trees and flowers. In our effort to plant more, we forget to fertilize and water what we’ve already planted. Our plants grow small if they grow at all.

This, my visionary friends, is not wise gardening. I would think that planting some things that will last year after year with very little upkeep would be the way to go. Once they are well established, we have a foundation from which to work from. But we have to take care of them first. Plants, and communities, are fragile in the beginning.

We so often travel away from our garden… to get fresh ideas, to see other people’s gardens that they are building, to dream and fuel our imagination. But too much time away gets us thinking about the things we don’t have yet. It’s like window shopping for things that you might possibly “need.” We don’t have a list of what we need because we have everything we need, but going out to check out everyone else’s stuff, makes us come up with a list of all kinds of things that we want and “need.” Wouldn’t it be better to study long and hard the few things that we are growing now, so that we can do them well? Wouldn’t it makes sense to talk to those who have done before what we want to do now, so that we don’t make the easy mistakes? Is it really helpful to go out looking for more wild ideas when every time we return, half of our plants have died from neglect?

Another tricky thing about growing community is that we are fed and encouraged very healthily by other visionaries and radical thinkers. Many of those we come across are “doing it.” They have their system figured out. What they touch turns to gold. We want to learn from them, but we also want to be on the same page as them. We want to match their ideas and innovation so that we don’t look bad or inferior. We lose our groundedness in this, though, as we are dishonest (mostly with ourselves) in regards to what our garden needs. If we are growing something and it needs to be watered and taken care of, we had better learn how to prioritize our time and when it is the right time to start something new.

Get your hands dirty, folks. Get down there at the ground level and spend some time there. Get to know your plants and what they need, or you are never going to be able to get the next thing going either.

I’ve been reading, Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World, by Bill Plotkin. This very well could be a handbook for the future of community growth models and life stages of transformation… so appropriate for our time. Plotkin’s premise focuses on stages of development that are uniquely tied to our relationship with all things on this Earth. He sees our culture as very much stuck in a “path-adolescence,” mainly because we have not figured out yet how to appropriately deal with adolescence itself… which he says is the most important period in current humanity’s life cycle.

I greatly appreciate what Plotkin writes in regards to the gender-neutrality of the life stages of community. The starkest differences

between masculine and feminine are greatest in early adolescence (stage 3 [of 8!]). Because this is the stage in which Western societies have stalled, and because our societies are not informed by the deep structure of human development, gender differences have seemed bigger and more definitive to us than they really are.

With the social advances brought by feminism in the late twentieth century, some have contended that healthy female development differs from that of male development, and that the imposition of male patterns on women continues the centuries-old oppression by the patriarchy. While I agree, my perspective is somewhat different. There is no question that women have been economically, educationally, and politically oppressed in patriarchal societies (as have most minority and lower-class men), but both men and women have been cut off from soul and nature, and both have consequently faced great difficulties in maturing. Although healthy female development is different from patho-adolescent masculine development, this is equally true for healthy male development.

The essential issue concerning oppression is not gender-based or race-based but ego-centric versus soulcentric. In my view, the core problem with patriarchal (and matriarchal) societies is their patho-adolescent egocentrism, which generates economic-class oppression, not their conspicuous suppression of the feminine or glorification of the (immature) masculine. Men have no monopoly on egocentrism. Men and masculinity are no more the problem than are women and femininity. I believe that most people would agree that we will not create a healthier society by affording women the equal right to be as pathologically egocentric as a large proportion of men have been for millennia, to acquire the equal opportunity to excel in the patho-adolescent, class-dividing world of prestige, position, and wealth, academic and corporate ladder-climbing, and power broking. Rather, mature men and women must join together to foster soulcentric development for both genders and for all races and cultures. (25) (Italics mine)

Just wanted to share this poem… so beautiful:

Stand still. The trees ahead and the bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask it permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

~David Wagoner, “Lost”

One of the biggest lessons I have learned about community is showing up.

Real. Ready. Raw. Authentic. Present and accounted for.

It’s so hard sometimes… and I recognize the difficulty many have with showing up. It most often comes back to trust. When we have risked and been hurt, risked and been hurt, it gets harder and harder for us to come back. This is why, for many people, church is the last place they want to show up to. It’s just too foreign. It’s not normal. But then again, neither is a yoga studio (and many don’t come because they “aren’t flexible”… I guess you have a bit more freedom with the latter, though, to be who you are. We all have one thing in common… our breath.

It amazes me virtually every time, this showing up… especially the times when I most don’t want to be there. I make up excuses in my head… reasons for closing off the community… preconceived ideas of how people are going to act towards me. It’s like pulling teeth to get myself out of bed, or out the door. But when I come, when I do arrive… so often I am completely surprised by those I come into contact with. As Kat says, “well, I guess you can throw your theory [about what was going to happen] out the window!”

How do we get people to show up, then? How do we create a space where people know that even if they don’t want to be there, it is better for them to be with the group than to not be with the group? My thinking is that it has to do with the group and the atmosphere that the leadership (however defined or undefined that leadership is).

I wrote about the Trust Factor a while back… and I think it really has to do with building this from the beginning. See, a group must have in running through their blood that it is ok for people to be exactly how they are. In fact, this is how we must want people. What has happened to someone in the last week, day, or even hour before arrival colors their entire experience. This is far more important than where we think they should be and if we don’t seek to understand where others are at, we are setting up our communities to hurt people from the beginning.

The other thing, I have found to be very well received, is to walk with people through the layers. Often I hear people say that they it is hard for them to engage in community because they don’t open up readily or trust easily. My response, and it often is in invitation to our Spiritual Integration classes, is to say that we walk there together. We take the layers off, starting with a simple telling of our story and working into processing that together. Whether we easily open, or fearfully close… we want a beginner’s mind that builds from where the most significant need is.

Our communities should feel like home… for whoever comes in our “doors,” first time or long time. Our showing up, present and authentic, is invitation for others to feel that “home” as well. Show them home… bring it with you… this is how we show up and how we create communities that are transformational.

I’ve really lost my appreciation for curriculum… or maybe I never really was a big fan anyway. I think there was something always that didn’t quite fit when I heard that word or when I was told about the latest and greatest new material. Being educated in youth ministry and getting a masters, I heard the word “curriculum” pretty frequently. In the church, I heard it even more. People are always looking for an easy way to get information out there to small groups, big groups, or individuals. And that’s really what curriculum is all about, what material of study for a group is so often about… getting out information.

Do you want to build authentic and transformative community? Do you want to help people do the self work so that they can begin to pay attention to God’s movement in their lives? Do you want to help people learn how to actually talk to each other and even learn from each other? Time to change the way that we look at the material that we use. If our interest is on personal growth and soul formation, THIS must be our main focus, not the material we use.

In the church context, we are so often concerned with getting the “right” information out about how we should be understanding scripture. Granted, this is helpful and appropriate, but do we want Bible scholars or Christ-followers? What did Jesus want? Time to start seeing scripture as one of the means of getting us to the soul work. How do we respond to this text? What is our reaction, positive or negative? What are our questions and resistances? What is God doing in us or teaching us through this? Let’s work with that! Use the text to get there.

I don’t care if the material you are using is sacred texts, a workbook, a novel, a movie clip, a poem, or a YouTube video… if you are interested in helping people grow and figure out God’s movement in their life, you’ve got to see this material as a tool to get to the personal story that we bring with us. The focus is the community, not the information. If someone can tell me how we can do community soul building through sermons, I’d be very interested to know how…

It is the silence that makes our words (sounds) mean something. When the words we offer come out of the deep silence of our listening, it is here that we can be assured that we are offering something and not just spouting out noises to fulfill our own needs or insecurities. How often do we really get the chance to intentionally sit in silence as a community? Very rarely, I would imagine.

Parker J. Palmer writes in his book, A Hidden Wholeness, in regards to creating what he calls “circles of trust”:

By creating moments of intentional silence, we smooth the way for spontaneous silence in a culture where the cessation of sound is taken as a sign that something has gone terribly wrong.

Because many people get rather uncomfortable in silence, I always invite them into silence after I set our intention of safe space, our desire to learn from each other, and give them an overview of what is coming up. Often, I begin our time together with silence as a chance to gather ourselves here, sitting with our intentions and our desires to be present. I invite the group to offer their gratitude in the silent space to each other and also to God (the Divine, the Source, etc) for the chance to be together. Here we root ourselves, not in our desire to be heard and fulfill our own needs, but to be here for each other. The silence is the buffer between what we brought with us and our movement forward together.

Coming out of the silence for me, is often difficult. As I noted in the previous post, a facilitator has to pay such strong attention to transitions. I don’t want us to simply jump from silence into “business.” In Christian circles, it is easy for me, as I simply offer a short prayer. I did this for years, and then when we started with Spiritual Integration at myc yoga, I wasn’t sure how to come out of the silence. Cross-spiritual groups are a bit trickier. Often, I will use a quote or say something about silence and the gift we offer as we intentionally engage in this as community. As I will say often, the material is only a tool. My interest is primarily on what goes on within each person in the room.

As strange as it may sound, my hope is that even as we gather in community to talk, share, laugh, cry, we might support each other in our ability to be silent, alone, and listening. This is an incredible gift we give the world. The Taoist philosopher Chuang Tzu says it like this:

The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten. The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten. the purpose of the word is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to.

In order to grow and maintain communities where individuals are invited to trust each other and themselves it is essential for the person facilitating to set the standard for trustworthiness. I say facilitator and not leader for a very distinct reason. Leaders need followers in order to be leaders, right? But if we are trying to build community and invite people into safe space where they can explore the movement of the Spirit in their lives, our need to be a leader can very often get in the way. Primarily, if we as the holders and inviters into the space are anything, we are facilitators. We pay most close attention to the transitions, not so much to having the final word. We walk the group through the layers.

A trustworthy facilitator is considering trust levels long before a group ever begins their official conversation. The way we welcome people immediately tells them how close they are able to get with us. Do I welcome people with a hug or a hand shake, asking them how things are going, or do I wait in another room quietly for everyone to join me? Often, I will start the group with a story or thought that I had that day or right before I got there… one that usually makes me look a bit goofy or silly. Last night, at Spiritual Integration, when someone said they heard I was going to help them find God, I noted that I was pursuing enlightenment at the ranch, while shoveling cow manure. Already, they see me as one who is pretty normal. Trustworthy facilitators build trust by meeting people on their level before the official gathering even starts.

Most often, unless participants in the group are very familiar with how the gatherings usually proceed, there are new people who don’t know what is about to happen. No one is really hurt by a general overview of how our time will go… even if they have heard it a hundred times. Without it, though, someone who is new will never be close to the same page as the rest of the group. They are already at a disadvantage with the Trust Factor. To be a trustworthy facilitator means to build trust from the very beginning… by letting people know where we are going to go together.

Another thing that is extremely important for trustworthy facilitators is to establish the intention of a safe space from the very beginning and to name their intention of protecting that space. This allows the group to begin to feel that they can count on this person to be there for them. Confidentiality, treating others as they would like to be treated, no pressure to share, and willingness to take the time each person needs are a few trustworthy intentions to be noted.

The way we physically hold the space (posture, nonverbals, how we listen, etc) is also important, but I will have to write another post on that one. The last thing I would note in this post is the notion of total awareness, especially to the time! It is extremely frustrating when the group goes over with the time and it is clear that the facilitator does not know it or doesn’t care. We lose people immediately because they are trying to tell us as facilitators that we are going over. If we are the ones keeping it going, even worse. It is essential to note when time is almost up and to ask if we might carry it on a little later. This is trust-building.